3 Books that Point the Perfectionist to God’s Perfect Grace

If we’re going to read a book to help us in any area of life, we should always start with the Bible. Though we may not find today’s psychological terms or a 12-step action plan in it, no matter what our struggle is, the Bible reminds us that we are created and loved by a God who is near. Reading his word helps us to lift our eyes from our problems to a God who is so much bigger. Studying his attributes and discovering his steadfast love brings peace, contentment, and hope.  

There are times, however, when it is helpful to read a book outside of the Bible that addresses a particular struggle from a biblical perspective. For those of us looking for peace and freedom from perfectionistic tendencies, I recommend the following three books. Each one helps the reader frame this specific issue in light of sin, the faithfulness of God and his word, and the grace found in Jesus Christ.

Perfectionism: Pursuing Excellence with Wisdom 

by Lou Priolo

This powerful little book is part of the 31-Day Devotionals For Life series from P&R Publishing. I’ve gone through it once so far, and marked it up and underlined so much that I will have to get a fresh notebook to use next time!

Reading Priolo's words, who sadly did not live to see the completion of the book, is like listening to a favorite uncle or kindly but honest grandfather give it to you straight. As the saying goes, “if you know, you know.” And if you struggle with perfectionistic tendencies, Priolo knows—he doesn’t sugar-coat anything. He clearly articulates the root struggle of the perfectionist and then walks the reader through Scripture to find the solution.

I love that on Day 1 he begins by emphasizing our union with Christ, and reminds us that we “have been fused to a person who is truly perfect.” He challenges us to ask ourselves whether we “want others to see and marvel at [our] flawed attempts at perfection or at [God's] total perfection?”

Day 2 allows for a little self-examination to help the reader evaluate what types of perfectionistic thinking he or she may specifically struggle with.

From there, Priolo biblically addresses individual aspects of perfectionism, such as:

• Idealism (vs. conforming thoughts to reality)

• Striving after accomplishments (vs. remaining faithful)

• Excelling at excellence (vs. excelling in Christlikeness)

• The tendency to be displeased with myself (about things that aren’t displeasing to God)

• The assumption that I am ultimately responsible for my achievements and success (vs. the truth that God is)

• “All or nothing” thinking (vs. avoiding all extremes – Ecclesiastes 7:18)

• Indecisiveness/Overthinking (vs. trusting the Holy Scriptures and the Holy Spirit to guide us in our decision-making)

• Legalism (vs. grace)

• And many more!

He covers ground that is often rocky for the perfectionist and can cause us to stumble. He describes how these issues might play out in our day-to-day living and thinking, then holds them up to the light of Scripture to reveal God’s gracious, freeing truth.

At the end of each day, he includes at least one reflection point and one action point; these were extremely helpful for me as I examined my heart in light of God’s word. I also appreciated the endnotes for each day and the recommended resources—books I plan to read and review in the future.

I found myself with tears in my eyes on Day 31, when Mr. Priolo shares that his doctors suspect he has cancer. With real-time perspective, he reminds us that the things of this world, even the things we mistakenly consider of utmost importance, “are temporal things that will perish.”

He concludes with 1 Peter 1:13: “Therefore, having girded your minds for action, being sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” Truly, words of perspective for the one seeking and anticipating perfection.

Peace Over Perfection: Enjoying a Good God When You Feel You’re Never Good Enough 

by Faith Chang

To the one who seeks to love the Father but has trouble sensing his delight. To the one who trusts in the gospel of peace but is gripped with anxiety about making mistakes. For the one whom the Spirit indwells yet who despairs about the slowness of her sanctification. For the one who is deeply loved beyond her wildest dreams yet rarely feels that way. These words are for you. These words are for us.

Chang connects with the reader immediately with these words from her introduction.

She then shares a description of perfectionists from D.A. Carson that may resonate with you (it certainly did with me!): To other believers who watch them, they are among the most intense, disciplined, and holy believers we know; to themselves, they are virulent failures, inconsistent followers, mere Peters who regularly betray their Master and weep bitterly.

The first chapter addresses “the perfectionist’s ache,” defined in part by extremely high standards and overly critical self-evaluations, and can include excessive concern about making mistakes, fear of negative evaluations, self-criticism, and doubts about actions.

Chang turns the focus then to the rest found in Jesus’ invitation in Matthew 11:28-30. Each subsequent chapter represents a character trait of God in which the striving follower can find rest, including:

• Knowledge: God completely understands the perfectionist's particular burden.

• Mercy: Awareness of sin makes us hungry for mercy; receiving God’s mercy disarms the accuser, whose voice we can sometimes mistake for the voice of God.

• Peace: It’s found in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, who reconciles and restores us to God. Chang also discusses an interesting concept of striving from peace as opposed to striving for peace.

• Patience: The “lengthening perspective” of sanctification. We need to realize that we will sin every single day for the rest of our lives, because we are sinners. Thankfully, God is not like us, and he is not as impatient with us as we are with ourselves. We perfectionists often struggle to see the good God is doing in us

There is an interesting chapter on Law, too; an important concept to address for those of us who can get caught up in legalistic rule-following. In it, Chang explains that God’s law reveals his heart for us and his heart for our success; he longs to see us flourish. “Within the safeguards of the law, God grants us much liberty to choose how to love him and love our neighbors from day to day. And rather than hand us a roadmap to dictate our every step, he fills us with his Spirit and lets us run in freedom.”

Chang has a gentle, relatable way of writing, but she gives the reader a real gem in the beautiful prayers she provides at the end of each chapter. I think it’s what I loved most about the book—my favorite one was “A Prayer For When All You Can See Are Your Failures.” Specific to the pains of perfectionism and rooted deeply in Scripture, the prayers can help us release our burdens before the Lord based on the truth of God’s word and his unchanging character.

When Strivings Cease: Replacing the Gospel of Self-Improvement with the Gospel of Life-Transforming Grace 

by Ruth Chou Simons

The Bible study version of this book was my first introduction to Ruth Chou Simons. The study delves deeply and addresses the fundamentals of grace—perfect for someone who wants to learn what grace really means or be reminded of all it has to offer. Only recently did I read her book by the same title, and though she shares some of her background in the study, the book felt more personal. The Eastern culture she grew up in is one of striving, hard work, and high expectations, and that makes her relatable to the reader who struggles likewise.

Part One (Chapters 1-8) describes the battle of always trying to be enough, to belong, to perform, and how exhausting the constant quest for self-improvement can be. How we seek to fix ourselves reveals what we really believe we need. She asks thought-provoking questions: Can we ever be perfect enough to ensure happiness? In a world where we constantly ask, “Am I enough?” Simons wonders if maybe what we’re really asking is, “Is God enough?”  

She then addresses the innate human belief that we can reach a certain sense of satisfaction, “enough-ness,” if we just attain the things we strive for:

• approval

• attention

• belonging

• perfection

• to outrun shame

• to be good enough

• to have it all

But seeking favor from the world instead of finding grace in God—prioritizing performance over God’s presence—leaves us fearfully reliant on our perfect execution rather than Christ’s perfect deliverance.

Simons is not afraid to address the root issue of perfectionism and striving: idolatry of self. Sometimes, “we act out of a belief that God is someone we appease through striving. We can call it spiritual discipline, hard work, commitment, or pursuit of holiness, but if it’s motivated by self-fulfillment or self-improvement, it’s not a worship of God; it’s a worship of self.”

Part Two (Chapters 9-15) introduces God’s sweet grace, pointing to the gift we’ve been given through the cross. “The holiness of God found us lacking. The mercy of God sent Jesus to bear the punishment we deserve. The righteousness of God declared us forgiven. The goodness of God reshapes us into his likeness. The love of God overcomes evil so that we might share in all that is Christ’s.”

In Christ, not only do we find true belonging and true perfection, we also find complete salvation. God doesn’t just make us better; he makes us new.

I love that Simons discusses the temptation to strive for grace instead of striving in grace, in a way that feels similar to Faith Chang’s concept of striving for peace from a place of peace. We can conclude that finding grace and peace first, in Christ, gives perspective to our striving.

She wraps up by emphasizing that the good works we now do flow from gratitude for God’s grace, severing any connection between works and salvation. Though we may have heard this before, it rings differently when we understand her cultural background of “keeping face,” and how she had to learn that there is a difference between a gift and a transaction. I appreciated her transparency, as it helped me see anew what my unnecessary striving looks like to God.

Though it may be difficult as a perfectionist to make a decision (wink), any of these three books that point you to God's perfect grace is a good choice! May they be a blessing and an encouragement to you as you reach out to receive his kindness.

Buddha’s Final Words: Strive unceasingly.

Jesus’ Final Words: It is finished.

-Tim Keller