In one episode of the show Monk, the main character, Adrian Monk, a perfectionist with crippling OCD, is cleaning someone’s kitchen. He comes across a plate that is a different shape from all the other plates in the cupboard. He hesitantly asks his friend, “Should I just … throw this away?”
I think of this scene every. single. time. I pull my husband’s favorite plate from the dishwasher and put it in the cupboard with my recently purchased, gorgeous farmhouse-style white dishes.
This plate has resided in our kitchen lo, these many years. I don’t even remember when it showed up. Probably during one of several times we moved his mother, from her house to an apartment, to senior living, to memory care.
According to eBay, this plate, which features Bullwinkle the Moose and the Cheerios kid, is part of a set that included a bowl and cup available from General Mills during the mid-1960s. Somehow it made its way to my husband’s childhood kitchen of the 70s, and is, to this day, still his favorite plate.
Now, unfortunately, this sweet Cheerios-loving little boy grew up to marry a perfectionist, who has a hard time with towels that aren’t folded properly, unnecessary paper towel fringe, and dishes that don’t match.
We have been married for over thirty years now, and only today—TODAY!—as I emptied the dishwasher and laid that funky plate on my beautiful dishes with discord in my heart, did I hear the Lord, in his grace, whisper to me, “Think, Cheryl.”
And so I paused and thought about my husband, Jim. I thought about how he sold his entire 1980s Topps series of baseball cards (including a Ricky Henderson rookie card) to buy my engagement ring. And a Mickey Mantle card the first year we were married (we were still broke college kids). How he worked two jobs to get us out of debt when I quit my job to stay home with the kids. How he shaved his head while I was undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. And yes, how he almost fainted every time I gave birth.
I thought about his solid work ethic, his quiet, servant spirit, and his steadfast leadership of our family. Not to mention the way he makes me laugh.
And I thought about that silly plate, how it probably means more to him than just being the perfect size to hold an oven-baked soft pretzel. To him, it represents a time when his father was still alive and his parents were still married. He was nine when they divorced, and the memories he holds before then are few and meaningful.
If I have matching dishes but have not love, my kitchen cupboard becomes a higher priority to me than the most important person to me in this life.
By God’s grace, love can overrule my desire for everything to match (read: to be in control)—if I simply pause to think of someone else. Even when my need for order looms large, it can be overcome by a moment of thoughtful consideration—if I’ll just listen to the Spirit’s whisper.
What can you let go of today out of love for another?
… in humility value others above yourselves …
Philippians 2:3
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—
and the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13
