Scriptural Comfort for 5 Things That Will Never Be Perfect in This Life: Part 1
Read Part 2: Imperfect World
Read Part 3: Imperfect Past
Read Part 4: Imperfect Bodies
Read Part 5: Imperfect Faith
Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Colossians 3:13
People Will Always Disappoint
Have you ever heard the wry, tongue-in-cheek quote, “Church would be so great if it weren’t for all the people”?
Have you ever found yourself disappointed or annoyed with the people in your life? Or just people in general?
Your co-worker gets your coffee order wrong, even though you wrote it down for her.
Your mother-in-law raves about how much she adores your kids, but when you ask if she can babysit, she always seems to be unavailable.
A friendly conversation with the check-out person at the grocery store turns into a one-sided political rant that you can’t exit from fast enough.
We have expectations for those we briefly encounter throughout our day: we expect those we engage with to be thoughtful, good listeners, courteous, and at least self-controlled. We prefer they don’t unload information on us that is too heavy or too personal, especially if we don’t know them that well.
And the closer these interactions are to home, from our friends and extended family to those who live under the same roof, the higher the expectations—and the messier the reality.
We want our people to remember things about us—that we prefer Gerber daisies to roses, or Chunky Monkey to Neapolitan. We hope they will see a mess in the kitchen and think, “Gee, I know Mom’s not going to want to clean that up when she gets home!” We want our church family and pastor to say more than just, “Good morning!” every Sunday. We want them to care about our wayward child or our job search.
We are wired for community and relationships. And we are wired for perfection, having been formed in the image of God Himself to walk in the presence of His holiness. Yet since the fall we have had to live just under that high bar, straining but never reaching the relational beauty and goodness that we were designed for.
The reality is that people will always disappoint. Even the people we consider the kindest, wisest, and most selfless have flaws and inner battles. The Bible tells us the truth: “There is no one righteous, no, not one” (Romans 3:10-12), and “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
Still, we act surprised when those we love or interact with daily fall short of perfection. They are rude, short-tempered, or don’t apologize. They do things that annoy us, like chew with their mouth open, leave their dirty clothes on the floor, or interrupt rather than listen.
Tim Challies says, "We are all susceptible to expecting people to live up to our standards rather than to God’s. Yet where God’s standards are holy, ours are tinged with evil; where God’s standards are rational, ours are arbitrary; and where God’s standards are fixed, ours are constantly shifting. People fail to live up to our standards because it’s impossible for them to live up to our standards. And neither should they, for we have no right to call people to live to any standard other than God’s."[1]
Do we truly recognize that those verses in Romans refer not only to the people who disappoint us but to ourselves as well?
Grace is the Answer
The Bible tells us that the answer to imperfect people—ourselves and others—is grace.
I remember an intense season when I needed to take one of my children to see a counselor on short notice. I was so thankful that this counselor (whom I had never met) was available that I threw my arms around her in an enthusiastic hug in the waiting room. Startled, she blinked and said, “…Oh!”
For the first time, it dawned on me that not everyone likes a hug and that my tendency for unbridled affection could make people feel uncomfortable and awkward. Though probably slightly annoyed, this counselor remained professional and gracious.
Grace is such good news! God’s grace has been offered to us at great cost—the price of His firstborn son. He willingly paid it to redeem us, to forgive us, to seal the promise of complete renewal. Our inheritance now is this: our original flawless design placed in a new heavenly body (2 Corinthians 5:1-5), perfected and reconciled to God by the blood of Christ. We can anticipate pure and holy friendship for all eternity.
This same grace given to you and me is available to all people. So, when we find ourselves frustrated with the sour-faced cashier, the forgetful child, the demanding mother-in-law, the unapologetic spouse, or the annoying co-worker, remember grace. Grace that we are not worthy of, and do not deserve.
God is in the transformation business, and we must let Him do His work while we extend patience and grace that is not of ourselves. Each one of us is a work in progress, each on our own path of sanctification. The Lord matures us according to His perfect timing, knowing our hearts and our needs much better than we do (Isaiah 55:8-9; Psalm 33:13-15).
We are imperfect, but His perfect grace sustains us. It also equips us to extend that same grace to those who are being conformed to His likeness—just like we are.
Remember, the one frustrating us right now may not know Jesus or be struggling with their faith. When we extend grace and kindness to that person, they may see Christ in us and desire more of Him.
Every believer is a walking version of the gospel that can be shared through the grace of God in us, and we may be the only representation of Christ an unbeliever sees. Rather than dwelling on our annoyed or offended feelings, let us freely share what has been freely given to us: grace.
Give as freely as you have received!
- Matthew 10:8 NLT
The Bible's Answer for Imperfect People: Grace
Questions for deeper reflection or journaling (Find a printable version here)
Is there someone in your life that you struggle to love unconditionally because they’ve disappointed or hurt you in the past?
What are the expectations you hold of this person or these people that you feel they are not meeting?
What are your expectations based on—your feelings? or Scripture?
Could there be more to their story than what you know or understand that may be contributing to their behavior? Sometimes learning someone’s backstory can help us have more compassion, even though it does not always excuse their behavior.
Read and reflect on Romans 3:9-28. What perspective do you gain from this passage?
Look up Colossians 3:12-14 and Ephesians 4:32. What is the reason we should show grace to people, to forgive, and to bear one another’s burdens?
Can you remember a time when you disappointed someone, and they showed you great grace? Have you ever thanked them for that kindness?
Take time to pray and thank God for His free and endless grace for you. Ask Him to continue to conform you to the image of Christ, and to give you strength to extend grace to others.
*The above verses do not mean that violent or harmful behavior should be excused or ignored. Please seek help if you are being physically harmed by someone else’s behavior.
Thank you so much for this reminder. I certainly need it. Sometimes those closest to me are the ones I expect more from. When disappointment comes it is easy to dwell on it, making it grow to an even bigger offense in my mind. If I would immediately give grace like God gives me it would be over and I could move on. I thank God for Christ's example and I thank you for this reminder!